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higginbottom here and now

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Vanity [Feb. 17th, 2004|02:17 pm]
higginbottom here and now
I haven't showered in two days. This is a lot of days to go unwashed, especially for a female. Lately I shower every other or every two days, and usually not even in the morning.

During Plath's last few months, she gave up any pretension of vanity and opted for full-blown immersion in her depressed state. A. Alvarez recalls visiting her and her hair giving off a "sharp animal smell."

I suppose shampoo is just another sign for stability and normalcy. What I'm saying is that I'd love to be able to swim in bubbles all the time.
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A.M. [Feb. 5th, 2004|06:41 am]
higginbottom here and now
All lights shut off, save one
long stretch of fluorescent
that reveals a hall's essentials.

Those who clean these bare parts
to make them barer, achingly clean,
go about as if aiding a shoemaker.

Except their clouds of dust,
hardly magic or gold,
fail to hold me captive.

Instead, I dodge squares of glass
so their eyes will not catch
my floating, misplaced face.

Even outside, they walk
to their special rhythm of the hour -
I cannot keep up.

But we rely on this misstep
to keep the busted seam
open-mouthed and dangerous.

I count the lit windows,
notice a world leaking familiar
in the slow rotation of morning.
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Dreams [Feb. 5th, 2004|04:02 am]
higginbottom here and now
The things i've felt:

Cold droplets of rain hitting my cheeks gently.
It was in the summertime and any kind of non-human wetness was comforting.

A snake biting me in the space between my stomach and groin.
I tried to shake it off, but it was under my jeans, and all I could only see was its cylindrical denim outline.
When I woke up, I could still feel the pain of a muscle pulling and pulling.

A twitch on your face and you pushed my head back and punched me.
The side of my head and my neck.
You knew my neck was my favorite place to be touched.
And I haven't seen you in three days.
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soooooo thirsty. [Feb. 1st, 2004|03:40 am]
higginbottom here and now
(I have no paper.)
Four quarters
Ten dimes
Twenty nickels
(Machines don't accept copper.
One plastic cap I saved long ago that says I could get one for free
(No stores are open.)
And water isn't good enough

An expired new year's resolution that said no to carbonation seems perfect now
But I've already ruined it
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(no subject) [Jan. 30th, 2004|01:22 am]
higginbottom here and now
If you think I sleep all day, you should see me at night.
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Every [Jan. 30th, 2004|01:17 am]
higginbottom here and now
Cowboy sings a sad sad song? You left your hat on the bald bulb of my lampstand, under my red one that got misshapen from being squished in my luggage. It looks like old age. Gardening. That kind of stuff.

Then one day, someone came and took your cowboy hat away. It was borrowed, apparently, and now it smells of her head.

What was with you and all your stupid hats? You and your stupid stack of stupid hats and stupid can of stupid sunglasses.

If someone calls me angsty again, they'll go down by my .45. Barrels will spin, bitch.
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Unclear [Jan. 21st, 2004|04:47 pm]
higginbottom here and now
Relationship between height of falls (x-axis, in meters) and Injury Severity Scores (ISS). * = survived fall, + = fatal fall.

I'm comfortable with black and white. Inevitable splashes of red scare me to procrastination.
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this motherfucking Hint [Jan. 21st, 2004|04:20 pm]
higginbottom here and now
If I thought we would be okay I wouldn't have been okay with all the white we're covered in.

But I tossed the paint and threw up my hands when the bucket hit the floor.

Still, you walk around as if it was the snow and not your steps

that leave these white footprints everywhere.
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Funny [Jan. 21st, 2004|04:00 pm]
higginbottom here and now
I looked for pictures of cut throats and all I found were punks and animals.
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I wonder [Jan. 21st, 2004|03:44 pm]
higginbottom here and now
If this is the beginning of something.

I can't tell if something is starting, or if something is ending, or if something is continuing - and I can't tell which I love the most, which I hate the most, or if I prefer any of them at all. Substitute that 'something' with maybe my life and it'll make more sense.

When you can't differentiate mornings from nights and the rhythm you rely on to keep you in step and breathing starts to jump and shift, you think, "When am I living?"


But I suppose something is off when you notice a gear that wasn't there before in the neat little head of yours. It clicks something when blue leaks down the squares of glass in your windows and into your eyes. That something tells you to jump through one or more of those squares, because what is the fucking point of those perfect little edges?

Take your pick.
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